Getting Carried Away

Finally took out the fabric, tape measure, and checked the pattern sites for making the new mei tai.

No, it's not some tropical cocktail, that's a MAI tai. A mei tai is a soft structure baby carrier.

When my oldest daughter was born, I had a fairly basic Snugli carrier. It was convenient, but in hindsight, probably not the most ergonomic for her.

Many years later, when my oldest son was born, I made a baby wrap. 6 meters of a t-shirt material with a non-stretch meter long pocket sewn on, more to mark the midpoint of this long wrap, than for function as a pocket. The construction of the thing was much easier than trying to wrap yourself and baby into it, although after a few tries, I was a pro at it. With a shift to the side, I could easily (and modestly) nurse in public.

After 6 months or so, my son became too heavy for the wrap. It was so stretchy, I found myself constantly having to adjust, tighten, and retie. So I looked into making something that required a bit more than finding the middle and sewing three straight lines.

And that's when I found the mei tai. The basic construction is a rectangle with four straps coming out of the corners. The bottom two, the waist straps, are sewn in straight, as they are simply going around your waist. The two upper straps, the shoulder straps, are sewn in at an angle, because they're supposed to go over your shoulders, cross at the back, then come around to your front, where you either tie it, or cross it again and tie it at the back if the straps are long enough and/or your skinny enough.

So I found a pattern, bought white cotton duck (heavy cotton canvas material), and nicer material with a pattern. I also bought some polar fleece to use for padding the shoulder straps.

I really went overboard in making it strong and safe. I double, and possibly triple stitched where I sewed the straps to the body of the carrier. I'm fairly certain I used a double layer of cotton duck (where the straps were sewn to), and then lined the inside with the nicer pattern material, and definitely the outside.

My oldest daughter "wearing" my oldest son. I believe he was about a year old.

Well, whatever I did, I did it right - except using polar fleece for padding. That did NOT work well. Both my boys used the mei tai, and two out of three grandsons have used it. With my middle grandson being 4 1/2, I think he still is carried in it every now and again.

So it's an 11 year old well made mei tai. And at my daughter's request, I'll be making a new one. Same patter as above, and I'll be making it overboard in strength and safety. And this time, I have padded shoulder straps from a backpack to use for padding the shoulder straps of the mei tai. (I went to a Goodwill-type store near me and found a backpack that had just the type of straps I wanted for just the right price (cheap).

So I've taken some measurements, cut the straps off the backpack (and labeled left and right (yes, it matters)), and I'll be all ready to get measuring, cutting, and sewing tomorrow evening.

State of the Nati - A New Chapter

Today, Zach and I had a meeting at Nati's school with his teacher, Y, the class psychologist, one of the therapists, and a school administrator. I will admit to a certain amount of trepidation, since Y was rather insistent on having this meeting, and I was worried they were going to tell us that they feel he should switch to the school for autistic children (which deals with children who have much more severe cases of autism) rather than keeping him in a class for higher functioning kids in a mainstream school. I don't know why I immediately went negative, it just seems to be reflexive for me.

Nati will be turning 12 in May, and if things had worked out better for him scholastically, he'd be in the 6th grade now. But he spent an extra year in preschool, and repeated second grade, which means he's actually only in the 4th grade. Now, I'm not giving this information because I'm embarrassed by/for him; I know he does the best he can, I know he's a smart kid, and I know he's come a long way. This is just information for context, and part of the reason Zach and I had a meeting today.

Nati is the oldest in his class. If he were in 6th grade, we'd be discussing middle schools for him. And that's actually what this meeting was about. Beginning dialog and starting to weigh the pros and cons of keeping Nati on the track he's been on (meaning 5th grade next school year, and being the oldest in his class by far), or moving him up to middle school, to be with his peers for the next school year instead.

His teacher and the therapists have noticed that during recess, Nati does seek out the 6th graders to play with (in my head, I call them the older kids, but in reality, they're Nati's age), which is rather telling. He seems to instinctively be seeking out his peers. Being older means his physical hygiene class (which they get) will be different than those of the 9 and 10 year olds; he'd be learning about puberty, the various changes in his body, the need for deodorant, etc. And as a Jewish boy, they'll be discussing turning 13 years old and the all important bar mitzvah.

Which has been a red line for him for nearly 2 years now. He doesn't want the chaos of a party or of a being around a lot of people. Which I completely understand. We would cater anything we'd do around HIS needs and sensitivities. Instead of having him read a portion from the Torah scrolls, he'd just say the blessing. Instead of having it on Shabbat in a full synagogue, we'd do it during the week for family only. Instead of having a big party... heck, we'll have a BBQ and he can have all the hot dogs and onion rings he wants. No music, no flashing lights.

And if he's in a class of peers, where all the boys are planning a bar mitzvah of some kind, maybe he'll come around.

As far as his actual education, we're told that at a certain point, classes often become a mix of different grades (and in classes for ASD kids, the class size is 8-9 children), but same age. The kids all have their own IEP (Individualized Education Program, called TALA here in Israel), so Nati wouldn't suffer scholastically by finishing 4th grade and going into 7th.

Once we were all in agreement that getting things started to move Nati up to middle school for September 2019, Y and the therapist both said that at the beginning of the meeting, they each felt that having Nati go to 5th grade was the right move for him, but after talking things out, and seeing how he's already seeking/needing peers rather than just classmates, making this move this year rather than next year is the best solution for Nati. There are three possible schools in Be'er Sheva that will suit Nati, but we won't know until closer to the 2019-2020 school year where he'll be exactly. And before anyone asks, no, I don't think any of the three schools are religious.

Family Affair

My sister-in-law, we'll call her Molly, is here in Israel for an intensive 2 week seminar. Her days (and many evenings) are packed with lectures and meetings, and unfortunately it doesn't leave a lot of time for non-seminar touring and certainly doesn't leave a lot of time to visit family.

The last time we saw Molly in person was the summer of 2012, when Zach, the boys, and I flew to the States for a family visit. Nati was 5, Elchanan was 3. Neither were toilet trained... oh, that was fun. So the last time Molly saw my boys, they were barely out of toddlerhood. And it had been even longer since Molly saw my daughters, and she'd never met my son-in-law or my grandsons.

Needless to say, I wanted to arrange a family get together, despite Molly's tight schedule.

My original idea was everyone come to Jerusalem, where Molly was based, and we'd go to a restaurant. But then I started picturing the get together.

First of all, it would mean that my daughter and her family would have to travel by bus, minimum of 90 minutes, just to get to Jerusalem, and then depending on where the restaurant was, would have to get there as well.

Five minutes after arriving, Nati would start complaining that he wants to go home.

Ten minutes after that, Elchanan would start complaining that he's bored. And when he gets bored, he starts picking on... well, everyone.

We'd have to make sure that my grandsons (ages 6 and 3) would sit at the table for the meal, and the schmoozing.

Yeah, none of that seemed appealing.

But then I realized that this get together wasn't going to be about the food, it was about the family. The people, gathering together for the company and the conversation, reconnecting.

So then I suggested having a BBQ at my daughter's house. We'd pick up Molly in Jerusalem and then drive further north to where my daughter lives. By car, it's about 45 minutes. I made cole slaw, potato salad, a batch of chocolate chip cookies, brought burger and hot dog buns, and bag of chicken wings marinading in a home made sauce. I told my daughter to buy the burgers and hot dogs, and I'd reimburse her. The reason behind that was so those items would be cooked and ready (especially for the kids) when we got there. See, sometimes I have a good idea.

And it was amazing. The kids all got to eat and run, play as they wished, where they wished. The grown ups got to have pleasant conversation. And as a bonus, Molly got to see a part of the country that she'd otherwise not have had an opportunity to visit. And we took a 5 minute pause to do some amazing star gazing in mostly dark skies.

What kind of family get together have you been to that ended up being fantastic and amazing, despite being nothing like what you first planned it to be?

Next stage

Yesterday, Zach and I had our last parent-teacher meeting of the year for Nati. One teacher will be going on for a third year with the boys and the younger teacher will be leaving. All in all, the meeting was very positive. Nati has made great strides in his socialization, language skills, his math is amazing (thanks to the paternal-side genes), and he's excelled in almost every aspect of his studies and therapies. We've all noticed a big difference in how calm he's been since we've moved apartments and given him his own room.

The big sticking point in his learning is his reading. Or rather, his lack. We've tried several different things, and nothing seems to be working. He just doesn't seem to have any retention or perhaps recognition for the written word. And because he struggles, he hates having to do it. I mean, if I'm bad at something, I wouldn't want to do it either. But reading is a rather important skill and we need to rethink a few things.

So at yesterday's meeting, his teacher brought up the R-word.

She's spoken to one of the therapists who works with Nati on a regular basis and they feel that it might be time to try medication to help Nati's comprehension difficulties. Specifically, Ritalin.

Now, don't get me wrong. If there's one thing you need to know about my husband and myself, it's that we're not ashamed of our family's various mental health issues. And our family motto is "better living through chemistry". Okay, that's two things.

So now we need to teach Nati how to swallow a pill. And I need to make an appointment for him with the pediatrician so we can take the proper steps for him to get the prescription before school starts up again in September.