State of the Nati - A New Chapter

Today, Zach and I had a meeting at Nati's school with his teacher, Y, the class psychologist, one of the therapists, and a school administrator. I will admit to a certain amount of trepidation, since Y was rather insistent on having this meeting, and I was worried they were going to tell us that they feel he should switch to the school for autistic children (which deals with children who have much more severe cases of autism) rather than keeping him in a class for higher functioning kids in a mainstream school. I don't know why I immediately went negative, it just seems to be reflexive for me.

Nati will be turning 12 in May, and if things had worked out better for him scholastically, he'd be in the 6th grade now. But he spent an extra year in preschool, and repeated second grade, which means he's actually only in the 4th grade. Now, I'm not giving this information because I'm embarrassed by/for him; I know he does the best he can, I know he's a smart kid, and I know he's come a long way. This is just information for context, and part of the reason Zach and I had a meeting today.

Nati is the oldest in his class. If he were in 6th grade, we'd be discussing middle schools for him. And that's actually what this meeting was about. Beginning dialog and starting to weigh the pros and cons of keeping Nati on the track he's been on (meaning 5th grade next school year, and being the oldest in his class by far), or moving him up to middle school, to be with his peers for the next school year instead.

His teacher and the therapists have noticed that during recess, Nati does seek out the 6th graders to play with (in my head, I call them the older kids, but in reality, they're Nati's age), which is rather telling. He seems to instinctively be seeking out his peers. Being older means his physical hygiene class (which they get) will be different than those of the 9 and 10 year olds; he'd be learning about puberty, the various changes in his body, the need for deodorant, etc. And as a Jewish boy, they'll be discussing turning 13 years old and the all important bar mitzvah.

Which has been a red line for him for nearly 2 years now. He doesn't want the chaos of a party or of a being around a lot of people. Which I completely understand. We would cater anything we'd do around HIS needs and sensitivities. Instead of having him read a portion from the Torah scrolls, he'd just say the blessing. Instead of having it on Shabbat in a full synagogue, we'd do it during the week for family only. Instead of having a big party... heck, we'll have a BBQ and he can have all the hot dogs and onion rings he wants. No music, no flashing lights.

And if he's in a class of peers, where all the boys are planning a bar mitzvah of some kind, maybe he'll come around.

As far as his actual education, we're told that at a certain point, classes often become a mix of different grades (and in classes for ASD kids, the class size is 8-9 children), but same age. The kids all have their own IEP (Individualized Education Program, called TALA here in Israel), so Nati wouldn't suffer scholastically by finishing 4th grade and going into 7th.

Once we were all in agreement that getting things started to move Nati up to middle school for September 2019, Y and the therapist both said that at the beginning of the meeting, they each felt that having Nati go to 5th grade was the right move for him, but after talking things out, and seeing how he's already seeking/needing peers rather than just classmates, making this move this year rather than next year is the best solution for Nati. There are three possible schools in Be'er Sheva that will suit Nati, but we won't know until closer to the 2019-2020 school year where he'll be exactly. And before anyone asks, no, I don't think any of the three schools are religious.

Sarcasm, Just Another Service We Provide

My husband likes to tell a story of how when he was a kid, and the family would go on trips, his mom would line the dashboard with twenty single dollar bills. If she had to tell my husband and/or his sister to behave, she'd remove a dollar. My husband and his sister would then split whatever was left when they got to their destination.

This afternoon, we took the boys to the beach in Ashkelon. The drive is a bit under an hour, depending on the driving conditions. We spent a bit over an hour at the beach, and it was wonderful. The water was as warm as a bath, but the waves made things feel more like a washing machine.

On the drive home, the boys were bothering each other more than usual. After telling them to leave each other alone for about the tenth time, and this only being 15 minutes into our drive home, I told them we were going to have a contest.

Not a quiet contest, those things never work. I told them to each look out their window, and call out whenever they saw a pink flamingo. A brief discussion followed to iron out the rules - such as would plastic flamingos count, or did it have to be the real thing. And Elchanan wanted to clarify it was only pink flamingos, and not any pink item.

Unfortunately it only lasted for ten minutes, but it was a gloriously silent ten minutes. And of course during that time, I knew Zach and I couldn't look at one another, because we'd burst out laughing.

And just to be clear, other than in a zoo, there are no pink flamingos in Israel.

Ship off the coast of Ashkelon.

So, what kind of snipe hunt have you subjected your children to, in order to keep the peace and quiet of a drive home?

Family Affair

My sister-in-law, we'll call her Molly, is here in Israel for an intensive 2 week seminar. Her days (and many evenings) are packed with lectures and meetings, and unfortunately it doesn't leave a lot of time for non-seminar touring and certainly doesn't leave a lot of time to visit family.

The last time we saw Molly in person was the summer of 2012, when Zach, the boys, and I flew to the States for a family visit. Nati was 5, Elchanan was 3. Neither were toilet trained... oh, that was fun. So the last time Molly saw my boys, they were barely out of toddlerhood. And it had been even longer since Molly saw my daughters, and she'd never met my son-in-law or my grandsons.

Needless to say, I wanted to arrange a family get together, despite Molly's tight schedule.

My original idea was everyone come to Jerusalem, where Molly was based, and we'd go to a restaurant. But then I started picturing the get together.

First of all, it would mean that my daughter and her family would have to travel by bus, minimum of 90 minutes, just to get to Jerusalem, and then depending on where the restaurant was, would have to get there as well.

Five minutes after arriving, Nati would start complaining that he wants to go home.

Ten minutes after that, Elchanan would start complaining that he's bored. And when he gets bored, he starts picking on... well, everyone.

We'd have to make sure that my grandsons (ages 6 and 3) would sit at the table for the meal, and the schmoozing.

Yeah, none of that seemed appealing.

But then I realized that this get together wasn't going to be about the food, it was about the family. The people, gathering together for the company and the conversation, reconnecting.

So then I suggested having a BBQ at my daughter's house. We'd pick up Molly in Jerusalem and then drive further north to where my daughter lives. By car, it's about 45 minutes. I made cole slaw, potato salad, a batch of chocolate chip cookies, brought burger and hot dog buns, and bag of chicken wings marinading in a home made sauce. I told my daughter to buy the burgers and hot dogs, and I'd reimburse her. The reason behind that was so those items would be cooked and ready (especially for the kids) when we got there. See, sometimes I have a good idea.

And it was amazing. The kids all got to eat and run, play as they wished, where they wished. The grown ups got to have pleasant conversation. And as a bonus, Molly got to see a part of the country that she'd otherwise not have had an opportunity to visit. And we took a 5 minute pause to do some amazing star gazing in mostly dark skies.

What kind of family get together have you been to that ended up being fantastic and amazing, despite being nothing like what you first planned it to be?

Holidays, Family, and Depression

I moved 6,000 miles away from my family; parents, siblings, grandparents, almost all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. And when I married Zach, I added a host of in-laws to that list.

Now, I get that for many, moving 6,000 miles away from family is a blessing. But I come from a fairly tight-knit clan, and we all pretty much get along. Holidays are a BIG thing for us. Getting together, sharing cooking duty, spending time together... it's what we do.

I've been living in Israel for almost 21 years and the holidays always depress the heck out of me. Or rather, it brings my depression to a whole new level.

I remember one year, going through fertility treatments, so I'm hopped up on hormones, and I'm getting ready for Pesach (Passover). I open the fridge and see the huge container of applesauce I had just made... and I totally lost it because I wanted my grandmother's applesauce (and her horseradish, sponge cake, gefilte fish, and stewed pears).

So we invite people - other ex-pats - to our Pesach seder, which is the main meal. I'll usually make a turkey, and a slew of other dishes. I fondly remember introducing the concept to an amazing Australian family who was joining us. Last year was by far one of the more interesting ones.

We had 9 guests, a couple who were vegetarian/vegan, and most of whom were actually not even Jewish. It was really fun for us to introduce and teach our customs to people who had never experienced a real Pesach seder. I made turkey, and I made zucchini stuffed with quinoa, mushrooms, and onions. There was a host of side dishes. And yes, I introduced them all to gefilte fish, which I admit, is an acquired taste.

This year, we're going to our daughter and her family for the Pesach seder for the very first time. And for the first time in a really long time, my usual holiday blues aren't that bad. I'm actually feeling pretty good and looking forward to going and spending time with my daughter, her husband, her delicious two boys, my other daughter, my husband, and our two sons.

Speaking of which, I need to get showered, and pack everything up so we can hit the road.

What are your family holiday meals like?

Parents not caring

Israelis tend to have a rather "take life into your own hands" kind of attitude. SO many people still smoke, people drive like maniacs, and way too few people wear seat belts while in a car.

Wearing a seat belt IS a law here. But another popular Israeli attitude is "laws are mere suggestions, which don't apply to me". If an adult chooses not to wear a seat belt, that's their problem. But when they don't properly restrain their children... that's abuse.

Almost every morning (and afternoon), my son and I wait at the nearby roundabout for his van to school. On one side of us is a mini-market, and a bit further down on the other side is a bakery. Both are popular morning stops for folks on their way to work or taking kids to school, so I see a lot of cars pull up with kids in them.

I thought the worst, most disgusting seat belt violation I had ever seen was a few months ago, when a car pulled up at the mini market. In the back seat were three kids, none of whom were wearing a seat belt. In the front passenger seat was a girl, who looked to be no more than five or six. Not only wasn't she wearing a seat belt or in a booster, but she was sitting BACKWARDS.  She was leaning back against the dashboard!

The mom got out of the car, ran into the store to buy cigarettes, and as she came out, I actually said something to her about getting those kids properly seat belted in. She nodded, got into the car, and drove off... with the kids as they were.

Today, however, I saw something that actually wants me to call the police and beg them to set up a ticketing stop.

Car pulls up. I could see a girl in the back seat, around eleven years old. And it was obvious she wasn't wearing a seat belt. Dad gets out of the car, comes around, opens the back door, and pulls out a little boy, who literally couldn't have been more than two. He had been sitting in a booster (which he's  legally too young and small for). ALSO NOT WEARING A SEAT BELT. Dad carries little boy into the mini market, does some shopping, puts the kid back onto his booster (and yes, I could see he wasn't belted in), and starts going around the car to get into the driver's seat.

I tell the dad he needs to belt the kids in. And he just gives me a stink eye. And drives off.

And then right behind him comes a car with FIVE kids in the back seat (I could see two kids sitting on laps in the back).

Who the hell does this these days???? I mean, people treat the eggs they buy at the market with more care than they do their children in this country!

Have you ever seen someone endanger others to such a degree, all you wanted to do was call the authorities on them?

Vacation plans

So the last time I actually took a vacation was a ten-day trip to London, back in March, 2014. I went with my adult daughter and we played tourist, as this was the first time either of us had ever been. It was also the first time I'd ever taken a vacation without any children under the age of 15.

The last time I'd been back to the US was August, 2012. It was a family trip, so I hesitate to call it a vacation, although I didn't actually do any paid work. My boys were just over 5 years old, and about 3 1/2 years old. NEITHER were toilet trained. And let me tell you, family and handicapped bathrooms are not equipped to deal with a 5 year old in need of a diaper change. Yes, even at the zoo, and at children's museums.

Anyway, I'm now in the process of organizing a trip to the US. My in-laws are being generous enough to fly the boys and myself in; Zach just started a new job and won't have the vacation time. One of the main requests from the in-laws is they'd like to have the boys all to themselves for a week or two. But as I'd like to see my mother-in-law before she flies off to help my sister-in-law with her new baby, I'm giving them a week without me.

Wow. A whole week without children. A whole week without having to take care of anyone but myself, without having to answer to anyone. To plan my day as I'd like to spend it. I can't even fathom this concept, it's so foreign to me.

There are people I want to see. I've been living in Israel for over 20 years (and by the time summer rolls around, it will be 21 years), but thanks to social media, I still keep in touch with some of my childhood and young adulthood friends. And of course there are the new friends I've made thanks to social media. I have longtime Internet friends all over the world, and there's a decent list of them that I would LOVE to meet in person if I had the time and money. There's also a nice amount of folks who live within a reasonable distance from where I'll be staying.

Having at least a week to myself presents some interesting opportunities. And it gave me an interesting idea. This year my mom will be celebrating a milestone birthday, and my siblings and I have been discussing what to get her for over six months now. I had suggested we send her and my dad somewhere rather exotic. But then when it became apparent that my boys and I would be coming to the US, I suggested to my siblings that we do a ladies vacation. My mom, my sister, my sisters-in-law, and I go away for a few days. At first I suggested Las Vegas. But after thinking about it, I felt that since none of us are gamblers, going to Vegas would really end up being about spending money - shopping, spas, shows. And since we keep kosher, we wouldn't even have interesting food experiences. So then I suggested to my siblings the possibility of sightseeing somewhere none of us have ever been. San Francisco was one suggestion I had. And then, almost as a throw away, I brought up the possibility of the Grand Canyon.

And apparently, it really seemed to fire up my sister and one of my sisters-in-law! Go figure!

If you had a few days to yourself, where would you go? What would you do?

Different route to school

Elchanan and I started off on walking a different route to school, so he could find different things to photograph. But after only about 5 minutes, he decided he wanted to take the city bus. So he got a few photos taken, but not as many as he'd taken in the past.

When you were a kid, how did you get to school?

Shuk with a camera

Words cannot express the absolute pride and joy I felt while watching Elchanan experience the local shuk with a camera in his hand. He was like a bee in a flower garden, flitting from one stall to another and snapping away. None of the vendors scolded or yelled at him to stop (which has happened to me on more than one occasion), and a couple of them even gave Elchanan encouragement.

What hobbies do you share with your children?

Behind the dried pineapple is dried (and probably sugared) watermelon, rind and all.

Abstract of lettuce.

Deflection

Not sure where Zach has been driving, but the car has TWO flat tires. And neither one of us has gotten paid yet, so for now, the car is sitting in its parking spot.

Tuesdays is a bit of a mess with regards to getting Elchanan to and from school because Tuesdays is a 12:30 dismissal and there's no after school program. And today, he has an added 3 p.m. visit to the dental hygienist for a much need cleaning.

The usual schedule of getting Elchanan to school would be a few days a week, Zach drives to work, so he takes Elchanan to school, and I take Netanel to his bus stop. On days when Zach cycles to work, we switch - I take Elchanan to school via city bus, and Zach waits with Netanel for his van and then Zach cycles to work. On Tuesdays, because it's a short day for Elchanan, we try and make a point of Zach takes him to school, and then I pick him up at 12:30.

For some reason, Zach thought I'd be okay with taking Elchanan to school by bus today, and picking him up at 12:30, AND taking him to his dental appointment. Needless to say, I wasn't okay with it.

The problem is, you're not allowed to take a bike onto the city buses, and either the front of the bus racks don't exist in Israel at all, or at least they don't exist on the local buses.

So it means Zach and Elchanan would have to walk (it's about a 15 minute walk to his school).

Which Elchanan was NOT happy about.

However, I DID manage to mostly deflect his tantrum, and make walking to school interesting, by telling him he could take his camera with him on his walk to school and take photos. Zach would then take the camera to work with him, and I would upload the photos he took to his own Facebook album. He resisted the idea at first, but soon warmed to it.

I'm looking forward to this project.